Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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