I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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