she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What a dumb baby whore.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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