I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
