the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
worst night to have a conscience
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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