I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
