I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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