Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
