woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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