She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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