TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
