Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
