Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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