dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
