11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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