You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
