She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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