if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
