All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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