tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
