If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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