Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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