Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You took a bar mat shot.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
