I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
