We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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