i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
