when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
