And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
not ubering you a puppy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
