Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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