I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
