some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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