dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
