$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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