All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
