Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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