My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
