Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
