I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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