I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She bit a glass in half.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
