somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
