why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
