i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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