Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
