I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
