u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
