Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
