Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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