Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
