my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
