You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
