you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
