im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
