Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
