ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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