Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
