It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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